In the middle

I’m constantly stuck in the middle, in between heaven and earth. Separated by a thin line of where my heart wants to be. You see I have children here on earth and a baby girl in heaven.

Sometimes I feel like I can’t breath, like I’m drowning on dry land, the walls feel like they are closing around me and I feel like the only thing that will help is being with my sweet Sophia.

Then reality smacks me in the face.. If I’m with my sweet girl in heaven, who will be here with my beautiful daughters who need me. They will then feel stuck in the middle, not knowing where they belong.

You see loosing a child feels a lot like your dying, it feels like your life has ended and your watching it go on from a TV, only your actively participating in it. The world is less bright, less appealing and you know longer know where you should be… Here or there? Sad or happy? Is it wrong for me to move forward with out her? She should be here with us, cuddling, giggling, learning to walk and saying momma and dada…

Moving forward with out her is absolute hell, but being gone would cause absolute hell for her sisters… You see I will forever be stuck in the middle, stuck in between heaven and earth.

Love, a hot mess momma 💜